Bullying....

   It is not a surprise that being overweight makes you an automatic target for bullies.  They know that for most people who are overweight, their size does the most damage to their self confidence, so it is the best ammo for hurting them.  There are probably more ways for someone to call a person fat, than all other insults put together.

    Bullying has been something I've experienced since elementary school.  I've ALWAYS been the big girl.  It didn't help that my weight ballooned in middle school, right around the time I changed schools to a private Christian school here in Mobile.  Keep in mind, middle school is a time where the mean girls and boy bullies come out swinging.  Rumors, gossip, and cliques are the in thing.  Being "the big girl" of course, was not.

     Now, you would think that a Christian school would have, you know, Christian love for one another.  Perhaps that was my naive mind talking back then.  From day one, kids picked on me.  None of the girls wanted to be my friends, and none of the boys would even talk to me.  Well, they would, but only to make fun of me.  My weight was the main focus of the teasing for the two years I was there.  I often remember refusing to sing the Alma Mater when they did chapel, because the line "we praise God, and love each other" was a bold faced lie.

    I eventually went back to public school, and found myself among many of my old friends.  I was still bullied from time to time, mostly because of my weight, but I also met my wonderful husband during my last few years of school.  He was like an anti bully shield, and helped me gain confidence that I had lacked for a long time.

     Today, I'm a grown woman of (almost) 26 years old.  I am married, with two beautiful children. You would think that bullying would be a thing of the past. But the years of bullying I faced, even well in to my college years, sticks with me.  So as my weight continued to grow as the years went on, you can imagine my self confidence took a massive nose dive.

    I wish I could say that bullying has stopped, and that people don't comment on my weight.  True, I almost never hear anyone say things now about my weight these days.  But it helps that I'm a much healthier than I was, and that you can see on my face that I have more confidence.  These things have helped shrink the target on my back.
 
     However, there will always be rude people.  Even at the gym, while I am literally working my butt off, some snob has to make a remark.  It is partially the reason why I chose to start my work outs at the church fitness room and track.  The sad thing is, I have actually overheard a comment or two there as well.  Of course, the two women who were doing it tried to run that day as well.  I ran two miles, which is 24 laps around the track.

   They could not even manage to run a full lap, and they were both half my size. Anyone bet that they were a little jealous?

   It is sad that adults still bully.  Even more sad that someone does it at a church.  One of the hardest things for an overweight person to overcome is the fear that you will be judged for going to the gym.  You would think that someone who sees you working out, and trying to fix your weight would want to cheer you on.  You would hope that if they felt the need to make any remark, it would be something along the lines of how impressed they are at your determination to lose weight.  Unfortunately, that is not often the case.  People who do such thing are, in my opinion, the lowest kind of low.  They can easily discourage a person who desperately needs to work out from getting the exercise they need!

    There was a time when I would let such comments get to me.  Just today, someone in a chat forum commented on a photo I posted of me in a swim suit.  According to her, I stuck out like a store thumb from other ladies, that they were cute and tan, and I was chubby and pale.

Well, thank you captain obvious LOL!

    Now, considering the fact that she posted it anonymously, chances are she was either a troll, or someone I have made mad on this forum.  Either way, it is true. I'm chubby and pale.  No denying that one.  That's why I still have another 60 pounds that I want to lose.  Apparently she didn't read the part about my weight loss, and how I still planned to lose more.

    I told her she was welcome to strap on weights until she weighed 200 pounds, and then go run 3 or 4 miles.  I have yet to get a response to that, or an acceptance of said challenge.  I think perhaps she was disappointed that I didn't jump on the drama train with her!

     But, comments aside, my chubby butt will be back in the living room to lift weights tomorrow, back at the park to run on Monday, and back at the gym to hit the elliptical on Tuesday.  I've moved past the place where comments like that get to me.  How?  Because I am actually doing something about it.  I have no shame about my body now, because I am currently trying to improve it.  In fact, I am quite proud of it.  This body carried two babies at once, and would have gone full term had I not developed Pre-eclampsia.  This body can run 4 miles on an indoor track, 3.25 miles outside, and burn 5 miles in 52 minutes on an elliptical machine.  This body has gone from a size 24/26 to a size 16/18.

    And while I still have a LOT of room to improve, and a lot more work to do, my body has amazed me of what it is capable of with a little bit of work.  Bullies can kiss my shrinking butt, because that is probably all they will see when I pass them while I am on a run!