The journey so far.

       I am closing in on the one year point of my weight loss journey.  I suppose now you could really say it is more of a life transformation journey.  Somewhere along the way this became more than just getting healthier, and looking better.  It really became a personal challenge to improve myself in as many ways as possible.  I see positive changes in numerous areas of my life now, in places I did not even think about originally.  I did not really put a time line on how quickly I wanted to lose the weight, I simply just said I would do it. 83 pounds in eight months is something I can definitely be proud of.  I'm steadily approaching my big goal of losing 120 pounds.  It is like losing an entire person!  But transforming myself in body and mind in just a year, that is something I am truly proud of.
   From here, where I will go, I don't know.  I think it will become less about weight lost, and more about things gained.  I promised myself when I reached 140 pounds, I would ease some of the focus away from the scale, and spend more time focusing on physical achievements like races.  There is so much I want to do and try.  So many other things that I want to achieve.  I want to look back on this year, and use it as a standard, by which I set my goals in the future.  I know that great things are ahead of me.  When I started out, I viewed this year as an ending.  It was an ending to my overweight days, my obesity, my unhealthy life.
     Now I realize that it was a beginning.  I have found a great purpose not just in improving myself, but helping others to do the same.  I initially began this blog to really just document my feelings.  To help me sort through all the changes I would experience.  Now it has grown to be something much more.  I've had opportunities come my way to share my story outside of this blog and my Facebook. I've made new friends along my journey, and reconnected with old friends over a shared desire to be healthier.  I have to believe that there is more to this than what I have experienced so far.  I do not know what the next year is going to bring.  I don't know what I will do, or where I may go. I just know that I am going to continue.  I'm excited to see where this journey takes me, and even a little scared.
    All this talk of a journey, of unknown paths, brings to mind a song from Lord of the Rings.  I have always liked it, and often think of it when I go for a run. Like I have said before, I am most definitely a nerd, and I enjoy thinking of fantasy stories when I work out.  It helps to pass the time.  This song speaks about setting off on a journey.  The road is long, and you do not exactly what lies ahead, but you still pursue it eagerly.  Who or what you  may meet remains a mystery.  That is what makes up the adventure.  That is what makes it worth the journey!

    The road goes ever on and on,
    Down from the door where it began.
    Now far ahead the Road has gone,
    And I must follow if I can,
    Pursuing it with eager feet,
    Until it joins some larger way
    Where many paths and errands meet.
    And whither then?  I cannot say.
         -J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings

    That song has always been a favorite, but more now, than ever.  It is so wild to see where I started, and to see where I am now. I still have a long way to go, I still have a lot of road to explore.  I guess you can say that this was really just the first chapter.  Ben and I dedicated 2012 to be the year of "fixing Kristina."  We realized recently that the year was coming to a close.  We also realized that fixing problems and self improvement can not just be limited to a single year.  We should always strive to better ourselves.  In doing so, we are better able to help others.  The healthier I have become, the better I have become.  I am a better wife, a better mother, a better person all around.
     Seeing what this has done for me, makes me want to help others achieve the same thing.  I think that is my first new goal.  I had a year dedicated just to me, to help myself.  While I still plan on working on me, I want to spend this next year helping others with their own goals.  I am not sure how or when the opportunities will come, but I will use them when they do.  I can not wait to see where this road is going to go!

Chapter one is closing.  It is time for chapter two to begin.

The year in review

Fall 2011.  260 pounds, size 24.  Ben and I talked about the "year of Kristina."

New years 2012.  Not a resolution, but a promise from him, to me.  This was my year!

The photo that started it all...I hated how I looked.  It was time to change

245 pounds, size 22

230 pounds.  Size 22.  First time I could wear that sweater in forever!

   

210 pounds, size 20.  Those jeans were once my favorite! It felt great to wear them again.

200 pounds, and size 18!!  Man that felt good!

200 pounds.  Biggest difference was in my face, and neck.

                                      

190 pounds, Size 16 jeans, and a Large blouse.  Not extra large. I was officially out of the plus size section of the store!

185 pounds, and a size 14.  Feeling great, and looking gorgeous!

I have not been this size since probably my junior year of high school.

Getting some muscle!

My first 5k race.  I ran it in 34 minutes, and 15 seconds!

A little under a year since we said we would make it "my year."
178 pounds, having lost a total of 82 pounds.  Size 14 jeans now fitting better, in fact they are starting to get a little loose.
A much happier, healthier me.  I think chapter one is ending on a very good note!

    

 
   

Coming back from injury

    Well, it happens to the best of us all.  In almost a year, I managed to not injure myself with my exercise routine. That is until about two weeks ago.  After only a few minutes of jogging, my left ankle began to hurt, and hurt bad.  The worst part was that the majority of the pain was on the Achilles tendon, which is a major red flag to stop what you are doing, and rest your foot!  Fortunately, it turned out that it was no more than a bad sprain.  I've rested for a couple of weeks, kept it in a brace, and let my body heal enough so that I was able to get back to running tonight.  I had a great four mile jog, with almost no pain, which means I picked a good time to come back. With the injury, hopefully, behind me, I thought I might talk about injuries and weight loss in this post.
      Nothing can stop weight loss in its tracks like a bad injury.  That is why I am incredibly strict about stretching before and after a run, making sure I have the braces and straps that I need for my knees and ankle, and that my shoes fit snugly and correctly.  So when I began to experience pain in my ankle and above my heel just a few minutes in to the run,  I immediately started to panic and stopped the workout.  That decision probably is what prevented further injury to my already injured ankle.
     One of the most important things to remember about exercise is that you listen to what your body is telling you.  If I had not done so, I could have easily been off my feet for much longer than two weeks.  Your body knows what it needs or what is wrong, and will give you very good signs.  The problem is that you need to know how to interpret those signs.  Now, I am no expert, but I have a pretty good system to monitor myself during a work out, with which I decide how to proceed should I feel any pain.  I go with Green, Yellow, and Red.
     Green is, obviously, go. Green means little or no pain or soreness.  As long as it is not worsened with the workout, or I know that it is simply soreness from a previous work out, I go about my workout as planned.
     Yellow is cautionary. I often use it when I am experiencing a new pain, or a pain that is sharp, but not enough that I feel the need to stop.  I may slow down what I am doing, and evaluate the  part of my body that is hurting, or just ease up on the intensity for that work out.  Essentially, yellow is my "be aware" level, but if the pain continues or worsens, it can go to the next level.
    When I get to red, I immediately stop what I am doing.  Until I figure out what the pain is, I halt exercising that part of my body, and go from there.
    The day I injured my ankle, it was painful enough that I skipped past green and yellow, and went straight to red.  While not painful enough to make me drop to my knees, it was enough to make me very concerned.  My left ankle has always been weak, due to the ligament injury I sustained in the past.  So even a little soreness can make me nervous.  All throughout that day and in to the next, the pain, while tolerable, had me very worried.  Not only was I concerned about the short term, not being able to work out like I was used to and gaining weight back, but I was also concerned about the long term.  I was still on a high from my first 5k a few days, and now I was scared that I would have to stop running totally!
    So I rested it, iced it, and made good friends with some anti inflammatory medication and ginger-chamomile tea.  Side note, ginger and chamomile are naturally anti inflammatory, and so are great alone or used along with medication when you have pain or swelling!  After a week, the pain began to ease off, and seemed to sit primarily on the outside of my ankle, where there was some mild swelling.  Thankfully, after two weeks of rest and treatment, the pain was minimal, particularly when I used my ankle brace.
     I decided to chance a run tonight, and automatically I started myself out on yellow.  I took my time, paced myself, and stopped after every mile to sit down, move my ankle around, and see if there was any pain.  While I was certainly sore for the first mile and a half, it began to ease off as I neared two miles.  It was stiff from the edema that built up from the lack of running, and because I had perhaps rested it a little too well.  I only had a few minor twinges, which have happened on runs even before the sprain, so I allowed myself to go as long as the pain hovered around the yellow mark.  Although I felt quite energetic, and could have likely run another mile or two, I felt that even four miles was pushing it, and decided to head on home. It is better to be safe, and a little bummed out, than very sorry and injured!
      The two weeks off from running gave me a chance to rest my legs, and really look at other options for cardio.  It also gave me a chance to focus back in on toning and muscle building which, I admit, I tend to skip in favor of a heart pounding workout.  I actually had a lot of fun finding new ways to burn calories.  I put myself through a series of various punches and blocks from martial arts at a rapid pace, doing a set amount of reps for each.  I did a bouncing workout on the mini trampoline for thirty minutes, and was surprised that it was a pretty good workout.  I did not even have to lift my feet from the trampoline to get my heart going.  After thirty minutes, I was sweating!  I also made sure to watch the calories I consumed.  With fewer calories being put out, I had to reduce how many I took in, but make sure that the calories I did consume were really nutritious and would keep me fuller longer.
    It worked.  Not only was I able to maintain my weight for most of the two week rest period, I was also able to lose a couple of pounds, officially bringing me to a new weight range.  The 170s!  Yep, this morning I weighed in at 179, and it sure felt amazing!
    Perhaps the moral of this story is to keep calm.  Injuries are going to happen.  I finally had to realize it is not a matter of if, but when.  Keep in mind, injuries do not always happen during exercise. You could step off a curb the wrong way, and twist your ankle.  You could fall back, and break a wrist.  You could get in an accident and hurt your back.  Some injuries, obviously, are worse than others. Still this does not mean you give up!  Do not let an injury disrupt your progress.  Rest what needs resting, and use it as an opportunity to work on other areas of your body that need a little attention.

For every challenge you have, someone always has it worse!


Take it from me, do not let your mole hills become mountains!
Kristina

8 months...and 34 minutes and 15 seconds.

   Today was a big day for me.  It was the culmination of eight months hard work.  Sitting here now, having just returned home from the race, it feels almost surreal.  Did I really just do that?  Did I really just run my first race?
   The morning started out early, at 5:15 am. As usual, the five o'clock hour came much earlier than I wanted.  With all my excitement about the race, I could not sleep last night.  So waking up early was not particularly easy.  Still, the adrenaline began to kick in as reality hit...in a few hours I would be running my first race!  I got dressed, and thanked myself for preparing everything the night before.  As usual, it was a mad dash to get out the door in time, but thanks to my preparations last night, we did it with time to spare.
    We arrived at the Spanish Plaza around 6:45 am.  The morning was cold, but the sky was beautiful, filled with the pinks and oranges of a Mobile sunrise.  Already racers were arriving, and so we hopped out of the van and started to look around. We spent the morning playing with the kids, and enjoying the music from the DJ. Ben and I certainly got in a good warm up with all the dancing and jumping Kathryne had us doing to the music!
   7:30 rolled around, and with it, my parents who came to watch the twins while we ran.  I have to admit, that nerves really began set in. To settle my nerves, I started to stretch and shake off the chills that the morning cold brought on me, and I began my pre-run mantra. The minutes began ticking a way quickly, and before I knew it, they were calling us over to the starting line.
    Having read some pre-race tips last week, Ben and I made our way to the middle of the crowd.  For those of you who are looking to run your first race, look for people about your size, or who look to be in your fitness and age range.  You'll be less tempted to take on a too-fast pace than if you start with runners who are above your abilities.  
    Surrounded by all those people, I felt adrenaline really get going.  Here I was, with runners from all over.  For so long, I have been a spectator.  I've always wanted to wear one of those paper bibs with a number, and run a race.  So, as I stood at the starting line, emotions began to really boil over, and I almost wanted to cry.  I was no longer a spectator, I was a runner!
    As the last minutes ticked away, I took it all in.  I do not want to forget any of it.  I looked at the sky, and loved how pretty it was.  I looked at the people around me.  Not one familiar face, yet I felt a connection to each person beside me.  I looked to the sidelines, and saw my parents holding my children.  That right there meant the world to me.  My children were born to me when I was very obese, so it is great to know that they have seen me transform over these past months.  While they may not understand it all now, I am so thrilled that they got to see me start and finish my first race.  I want them to see it, and know that they can reach their own goals in life.  Then finally I looked beside me.  My best friend of ten years was there with me.  Ben has been so supportive of all of this, and it felt only right to have him there, holding my hand as I started my first race.
    3...2....1...Bang!
    We were off.  I began with a slow and steady pace, and as the crowd of people thinned, I found a good rhythm that carried me through the first two miles with ease.  I knew straight away that it was going to be a great run when the first song on the Pandora app was Pitbull's remix of Shake Senora.  Nothing like starting off your run to a fun song!  It also helps that I had some of my other family members come out to cheer me on. Just past the starting line, I spotted my Aunt Rosie and cousin, Rose, cheering me on for my first race!
     As I found my stride, I let myself drift into my own little world.  When I run, I like to use it as a time to let my imagination run wild.  Sometimes I think about a favorite book or movie, sometimes I make up my own stories.  Today, I thought about a few of my favorite Anime shows as I ran.  I wish I could give you a mile by mile commentary, but I did not even realize we had run the first mile.  The first sign I noticed was the one that said mile two!  Twenty two minutes, and two miles had passed without even noticing it.
    Ben, being the trooper he is, was right along side me.  I kept looking over to him, and I could not stop smiling.  He smiled back, and I could see in his face how proud he was of me.  He knows how much time and work I had put in to this. I have to give him some major credit.  He ran the entire thing in jeans.  And while he may be the faster runner, I am better with distance.  So he had to work to keep up with me near the end.  Not wanting to hold me back, he kept up without complaint.
    I was feeling great.  My breathing was easy, my knees and legs were not hurting, and I had energy to burn.  With the first two miles behind me, I turned up the speed.  We rounded a corner, and ran under the overpass, and it was then that I knew we were nearing the end of the race.  There was one more stretch of course to go, and we would be done.  A burst of energy hit me, and I turned the speed up another notch.  I could see, in the distance, a large crowd of people.  The finish line was in sight.
    Thankful that I had paced myself for the first two and a half miles, I was able to really turn up the speed, and broke into a full sprint. My smile went from ear to ear.  I had done it, I had run my first race. I could hear the people cheering me on, even through my head phones, and it just helped me run even faster.  Waiting for me near the finish was my dad, camera in hand, capturing what is one of the proudest moments of my life.  And right at the finish was my mom, Aunt, and cousin...and best of all, my children.  Ayden and Kathryne may not understand how important it was for me, but I still am so thrilled that they were there to see me achieve such an important goal.

    With my husband beside me, I crossed that finish line.
   
   It has been a long journey.  The past eight months have been wonderful, hard, challenging, exciting, exhausting, frustrating...and every feeling in between.  Eight months of hard work, for thirty four minutes, and fifteen seconds.  That is my fastest out door running time ever.  I ran the full race with no stopping or walking.  I have met my first official fitness goal that I set for myself when I began this journey.
    But where do I go from here?  I know my next goal is to run the Azalea Trail 10k, so you can bet that I'll be back to training again this weekend. In the mean time, I will definitely be running a few more 5k races.  I am quite addicted to racing, now that I have completed my first.
    I am not stopping there, though.  It is a year away from now, but I am going to be running the Disney half marathon next fall!  I found out that Ben and I can get sponsors, to help us with the cost of going.  It is going to be a long  and challenging year, but I know I can do it.  I can not really see beyond that right now.  I want to take things a step at a time.
    Today though, I am going to relax and enjoy the memories of this morning.  It is a beautiful Thanksgiving day, and I certainly have a lot to be thankful for right now.  Ben and I both have decided that we want to make this an annual tradition.  Thanksgiving next year, you will find us running the Turkey Trot again.  I think now I will settle down to a well deserved home made panini and a good book.  After that, it will be time with family and we celebrate a wonderful holiday together.  I will, of course, be wearing my new shirt from my first race!
   
     Thank you to all who have stuck with me through this journey.  Thank you to everyone who has encouraged me with your posts and kind words to every update I have made.  Thank you to my parents, and Ben's parents, who have supported me through this.  Thank you to my Aunt Rose, and my cousin Rosebud for coming out and cheering me on today, it was so incredibly amazing to have you guys there!  Thank you to my beautiful children, who inspired me to better myself, so that they will have a mother they can be proud of.  A major thanks to my amazing husband and best friend, without whom I could never have done this.  God certainly blessed me when he brought us together.  

Ready to go!

At the starting line

Yeah...I know I look good!

Finishing the race together

WE DID IT!!!

   

The secret to my success.

   I'm always being asked about my secrets to weight loss, or tips on how to do this or that, and my answer is always the same.  There are no secrets.  Eat well and exercise.  That is all it takes to get in shape.  Now, tips, on the other hand, I do have a few of those.

Tip 1- Do what you enjoy.
   I think the reason that many weight loss attempts fail is because people do not think outside of the box when it comes to exercise.  Running worked for me, but I know it is not something that every person can or wants to do.  There are other workouts that go beyond walking, running, and gym equipment.  Try a form of dancing, or maybe find an indoor pool to swim laps in.  Try something you have never done, like a yoga class, or maybe even martial arts. Go to a local gym with a basketball court or buy a goal and shoot hoops for half hour.  Do not worry if you suck at first, what matters is that you are getting exercise! Look up your community parks and recreation website and find any classes offered...in other words try different things until you find what you enjoy.

Tip 2 - Moderation is key.
    Now, while I said eating healthy and exercise are important, it is also important to know that you can relax too.  Eat healthy the majority of the time, and the occasional cookie, or meal out is not going to ruin all you have done.  Specially now, with the holidays rapidly approaching, comfort foods are going to be a near constant companion. If you're going to a party or family gathering, it is okay to enjoy a few of your annual favorites.  Just keep in mind how much you eat, and be mindful of healthy serving sizes.
    The same goes for exercise. You should keep active every day, of course, but you should always take one or two days a week off from your more intense workouts.  Remember, rest is as important to your weight loss and fitness as exercise is.  It is during the times that you rest, that your body grows stronger.

Tip 3 -  Small steps
    Another reason why exercise routines, and eating changes fall flat, is because people jump in to their new lifestyle full force, and burn out.  Start slowly, and work your way up!  These days I run three to four times a week, squeeze in strength and abdominal workouts, and do a couple of extra activities a week like clogging or playing with my kids.  However, I certainly did not start out that way.  I only started working out twice a week at first for a short duration   When those workouts became easier, thus more enjoyable, I started doing them more often, and it grew from there.
    It was the same with the foods we ate.  Instead of tossing out all the "bad food" and making a massive change to our daily diet, we started to slowly add in healthier foods.  We made better choices here and there, until those choices started to become second nature. Take for instance my soft drink habit.  Sugars, particularly processed sugars like High Fructose Corn Syrup, are very addicting. I began replacing one of my usual soft drinks with water or milk. Eventually soft drinks totally faded from my diet, and have not made a return.  I can not even drink them now, they are too sweet for my taste.  They actually taste a lot like that nasty drink they give you during prenatal care to test for gestational diabetes.  No thank you!

Tip 4 - Get a play list.
    Seriously.  Good music can help a workout move along.  I am a big fan of a couple of the work out stations on Pandora and Slacker radio for my cardio workouts.  It is almost embarrassing to admit, but the song Sexy and I Know It by LMFAO always makes for a great workout tune.  It always manages to start up at that point during a run, where I am ready to give up and stop.  Many "walls" have been demolished, simply because the Sexy song came on!  For strength training and weights, bring on the metal.  Loud, angry music certainly makes the strength part of my workouts fly by!

Tip 5 - Do not diet
    I know what you are thinking.  I just said "eat healthy."  Well, you see, eating healthy is not dieting.  It is simply eating healthy.  Diets tend to be temporary, and while some may bring fast results, the long term effectiveness can not compare to simply adapting healthier eating habits.  Yes, you will lose weight if you don't eat any carbohydrates.  Yes, you'll lose weight if you drink only juice and water for a week.  Yes, you'll lose weight if you eat half the suggested calories for your weight and height.  The problem is that these diets are not often sustainable, nor are they healthy.  Do not think of eating healthier foods as a diet, think of it as a life style change.

Tip 6 - Make a written contract with yourself
     Do not laugh.  It is what helped me.  I sat down one evening and wrote out a contract with myself.  I made a covenant that I would eat healthy, exercise, set small goals that add up to a large goal, give myself a challenge that I need to meet each month, and make sure my family stays healthy as well.  If I failed to uphold my end of the bargain, then I would be subject to weight gain, weight related illness, and low self esteem.  Now, when I want to slack off, I just think of the promise I made to myself, and read the contract to help me get my butt in gear.  It works every time.

Tip 7 - Use the resources that are out there
    There are countless resources for you to access to help guide you along.  Start small.  Talk to your friends and family members who are knowledgeable about fitness and health.  Branch out, talk to your doctor and health specialists about what goals you should set for yourself.  Go farther, look at what your community offers as far as recreation facilities, parks, and exercise classes.  You do not have to spend an arm and a leg to lose weight, and get healthy!  Keep going, and hit the Internet.  There are websites at your fingertips that offer genuine, healthy advice.  Now remember, if something sounds too good to be true, it probably is, so always be wary of that when seeking advice.  I'll post some links to a few of my own favorite websites that I use, just to give you a head start.

Tip 8 - Above all, to thine own self be true.
    You know your strengths and weaknesses, so use these when you set your own realistic, but challenging goals.  You know what has failed you in the past, do not allow yourself to repeat history.  You know what goals you need to meet, and what you need to do to meet those goals, so do it.
   Most importantly, know who you do this for.  While your kids, spouse, or other significant people in your life may play a part, the single most important person you are getting healthy for is YOU!  Allow yourself to be selfish in this part of your life, and in doing so you will be a better person, both mentally and physically.

-Kristina.

Links I like:

http://www.healthstatus.com/calculate/cbc
   --A website that allows you to input how many minutes you performed various activities, to give you an estimate of how many calories you burned throughout the day.

http://www.fitwatch.com/caloriecounter.html
    --Look up various foods, to find how many calories you are about to consume

http://www.bentolunch.net/
    --The Japanese are on to something.  Bento lunches are a fun way to pack healthy meals, with decent portion sizes. You can prepare them ahead of time for the week, and have meals set and ready to go.

http://nikeplus.nike.com/plus/
     --This is connected to an app on your Iphone or Android.  It helps you keep track of your run (distance, time, average speed), map out your track, and compare your current workout to your previous runs.

http://www.facebook.com/McCoyOutdoorCompany?fref=ts
    --If you are looking to walk or run, check out McCoy Outdoor here in Mobile.  They know quite a bit about running and walking for exercise, have fitness workshops regularly, and can help you find the right shoe for your foot and run style. The money stays local, and the service is great, what's not to love?

http://www.fitandflourishing.com/
    --Great for those seeking support and advice in their weight loss.  Be sure to catch her radio show on 106.5 on Sunday evenings at 7:05pm.

http://www.cookinglight.com/
    --I am a big fan of this magazine, and the recipes they share.  We have used quite a few in our own home.

http://www.productionsbylittleredhen.com/
     --Interested in walking/running local races?  Then check out this site.  It will provide you with all the information you need to find races close to you.

http://cumc-sports.com/
    --Where it all began for me.  Come fill out a card with us, and use our indoor track and fitness room for no cost. Come by on Thursday evenings, or Saturday mornings, and you'll find yours truly working at the Rec desk :-)

What I made today...

Did you make excuses today, or progress today?

     Why is it when we have a problem in our lives, we try to do our best to get around the solution?  It is no great surprise that to fix or improve something, you have to work hard.  It's a simple fact of life that the longer you take to get started, and truly pursue the end result you want, the longer the project will take.
     I am certainly not innocent of this very thing. To tell the truth, I am quite accomplished at putting things off, and making excuses as to why I did not, or will not do something.  It was that habit that led to the weight gain, and eventual health problems that followed.
    The sad truth is that a frighteningly large number of Americans follow down that same path.  At the risk of sounding hypocritical, I find myself growing irritated with people who gripe about their weight and shape, as they sit in front of a computer or television all day, eating a steady diet of junk food and soft drinks.  In all fairness, I am irritated with myself for once doing that exact thing, but I stopped it.  I got up, and finally did something besides complain.
     Looking back, I realize how ungrateful I was.  God blessed me with a healthy body.  I had legs and arms that functioned well, a healthy heart and lungs, and no illness or disability that could slow me down.  Instead of being thankful for my good health and strong body, I took it all for granted.  Over time, the health I had been given started to fade.  The fault lied with no one but myself of course, although I certainly tried to convince myself and those around me otherwise.
   Despite my mastery of excuses, at least towards myself, I could no longer excuse my blood pressure, aching joints, and fatigue.  I'm fortunate, however, that I made the turn around when I did.  It feels as if I was about to take a step off of a cliff, and someone managed to pull me back at the very last second.  I was surely a step away from weight related illnesses that would have robbed me of what little health I had left.
    The other day, I came across a pair of Buddhist quotes that seemed to resonate with me.  He said "To keep the body in good health is a duty...otherwise we shall not be able to keep our minds strong and clear."  The truth of that phrase certainly struck me hard.  My mind has healed as much as my body, if not more.  The more I exercise, and take care of myself, the stronger my mental health becomes.
    The second quote is just as true, but much more painful to really think about, when I look back eight months ago. "Without health, life is not life.  It is only a state of languor and suffering; an image of death."   I can say with absolute certainty that he was right.  You need only look at old photos of me to see that I was neither healthy or happy.  My weight limited me in ways that I did not realize until I started to lose it.  I had no idea how poor my health was, until I experienced what it is like truly feel fit and healthy.  I knew that I was not happy, of course, but I did not understand the extent to which my unhappiness went.

     It finally came down to the simple truth that I had "excused" myself into obesity.

   So I began to ask myself the very question I wrote at the start of this blog.  Did I make excuses today, or progress today?  When I started treating my mental health issues, I could say progress.  When I started eating healthier foods, and fewer calories, I could say progress.  When I walked for twenty minutes, instead of sitting around in a funk, I could say progress.
   Over time, I found myself saying that I had made progress a lot more often than I could say I made excuses.  When health began to return, and the numbers on the scale began a steady decline, it felt like my body was rewarding me for finally getting off my butt, and ending the years of procrastination.  Needless to say, it certainly encouraged me to keep pushing forward.
    Eventually, I began to realize that small issues that would once make for a great excuse, became small challenges that only made me smile and say "challenge accepted!"  I think back to the lies I often told myself, and I have to laugh.  If someone came to me today with the justifications I once used, I'd have to roll my eyes, and tell them that my three year old children could make a better excuse!

A slightly sore knee would have me sitting out from a walk or run.
 A stuffy nose was a sure sign that exercise would not be happening.
Can't run when or where I want to?  Oh, well, may as well skip the workout then.
Not going to be able to workout as long as I like?  No point in exercising if it will be cut short!
Oh look, I'm close enough.  I'll just call it a mile and head home!
I would rather relax at home with Ben and the kids, since he has to work.

     Obviously, I had a fairly exhaustive supply of excuses as to why I should just skip the sweat.  The things that once held me back...no, the things I once used to justify holding myself back, no longer fly. I have developed an inner personal trainer.  When I want to slack off or cut corners, that woman starts in on me!  She has a fairly long list of insultingly motivational phrases that get my butt in gear.  Jillian Michaels, eat your heart out!
   
   So today, if you asked me if I made excuses or progress, I can definitely say the latter.  Although time was short, the wind was blowing, the rain was falling, and the temperature was cold I got out to the park and ran three miles.  I would have pushed farther, but unfortunately even my inner personal trainer can not argue with the appointed time to pick up my children from Nana and Papaw's house.  However, I did notice that having a set time limit certainly helped me run faster, perhaps I should try that more often!
 
      Tomorrow, when you get up, ask yourself what you want to make.  If you want it to be progress, then you need to get up and do it, there is no getting around that.  No matter how small, no matter how insignificant it may seem, do some self improvement. That way, when you settle in to bed and ask yourself  if you made progress or excuses, you will have an answer to be proud of.

I made progress today.

    May your own excuses fall short, and your progress exceed your expectations as you pursue the changes you want in your own life!
-Kristina
                              

A different kind of progress.

   About thirteen years ago, I seriously injured my left ankle.  It was at a band camp in middle school, when I was doing color guard. Near the end of a long day, I managed to find a small hole on the field.  When I fell in, my ankle rolled out, thus tearing all the ligaments. From what the doctor said, it would have been better if I had actually broken the bone, because that might have actually healed better.
    Throughout the years that followed, we tried numerous things to strengthen the ankle. We placed it in a cast multiple times, in the hopes of tightening the ligaments.  I tried physical therapy to make it stronger.  After high school, we attempted to have it surgically corrected through a Chrisman-Snook procedure, which treats ankle instability.  Essentially, I was suffering a chronic sprain, because the ligaments in my left ankle were totally worthless. The surgery harvested a tendon, which was then routed through small holes drilled into my heel, and then reattached to create more stability in my ankle.
    Although there was improvement at first, over time, my ankle lost stability again, and the chronic swelling returned, eventually becoming severe edema. I was diagnosed with secondary Lymph-edema, which was a result from injury to the lymphatic vessels.
      It was embarrassing.  In addition to the large scar from my surgery, I had this severely swollen ankle all the time.  Then came pregnancy, and I discovered new levels of swelling that I did not realize could be reached.  Sometimes it was so swollen, that my toes would begin to tingle, or go numb, and I would have to sit with my foot propped up for hours on end to relieve the discomfort.  After the twins were born, my ankle never really returned to a normal state.
   Although not the worst it has been, here are photos to show you what my ankle has looked like.

This isn't even the worst. 

My wedding.  Both ankles were actually swollen, but the left was worst.

   So now you see, what I have been dealing with for a VERY long time.

   On top of that, the ankle remained weak, even after the surgery. My flat feet didn't help, as they caused the ankle to continue to roll outward when I walked.  So when I decided I wanted to start running, I knew I had to strengthen my ankle first.  This meant spending a great deal of time on the elliptical trainer, and the leg press machine.  Not only that, but I figured that losing some weight first would help relieve some of the pressure on my ankle.

    After almost two months, I began to notice a change.  My ankle was stronger, and the weight loss had definitely eased the swelling.  However, there was something else. Within an hour or so of working out on the elliptical, my ankle would lose a great deal of the swelling. I remembered my Orthopedist saying that repetitive up and down motions in my ankle would literally work out some of the fluid.  Turns out, he was right.

    When I began running, the difference was even more astounding.  Just four laps at the church track were enough to make a huge difference.  Over the last 8 months, my ankle has seen steady improvement.  The swelling has made a rapid decline, although the edema has yet to fully go away.  It still swells when I do not run or workout after a few days, or if I let it hang down for a long period of time. Yet even at its worst, my ankle is no where near as bad as it once was.

    Shoes that I had once long thought I would never wear, now fit. My happiest moment was trying on an old favorite pair of boots, and realizing that they finally fit my foot again!  With any luck, my next round of clothing will include a few new pairs of shoes, because quite a few of my old pairs are too large. My ankle now is a little over half as small as it once was. The chronic pain, the severe edema, all are starting to finally ease off.

     Still, the best part is that it truly is growing stronger with every passing week.  For the first time today, I ran without my ankle brace.  I manged to run three miles before my ankle grew tired, and I needed to put the brace on.  Although it still starts to weaken after a long run, there was a time when even a one mile walk would have it shaking and sore.  To run three miles without the brace felt like winning first place in a big race.  And, I have finally started to regain some of the range of motion that I have not had for a very long time.  My ankle can now rotate almost as much as the other.  I still have a long way to go, but if I continue to lose the weight, and run as much as I do, I have no doubt that I will slowly start to see my ankle return to what it was before I injured it.

    I may one day look in to treatment for the lymph-edema though.  I've found some promising research that may eventually help me get rid of the swelling for good.  I'm well on my way to having a normal looking ankle again, which is something I have been wanting for over thirteen years.  Even now, I no longer feel the need to hide my foot or ankle.  I can wear a skirt, without feeling like people are staring at my leg.  I look forward to seeing the changes and improvements to come.

This is my ankle tonight, after my run.  Although a little puffy from the day, it still is much improved from what it looked like almost 8 months ago, and is now almost a normal size.  Please ignore my ugly right foot and my eczema. If it's not one problem with my feet, it's another!  

With love to all,
Kristina

Momma has new shoes!

  This week has not been the best.  Honestly, today I am not even going to bother getting dressed in my workout gear, which is somewhat depressing. It has just been a week where every day, something comes up that has a greater requirement of my attention, than my health.  I know it can come with the "mom package," but I am going to be selfish Friday, and will be claiming tomorrow afternoon for myself.  Given the amount of times I have been in workout gear, heading out the door, only to be stopped, I can honestly say it is NOT for lack of trying!

   Now that my vent is over, I can get on to what I REALLY wanted to write about!

   This past Saturday, I bought myself a shiny new pair of running shoes!  The tennis shoes I have been wearing were really not meant to keep up with the amount of running I usually do.  Really, they were not meant to be running shoes at all.  However, they held up beautifully and performed their job well. So it was past time to get some good running shoes for myself.
   If you're in the market for a pair, I suggest you pay a visit to McCoy Outdoor Co.  The employees there are very knowledgeable about running.  The lady who worked with me had me take off my shoes and socks, and walk for her.  She was spot on when she said that I have flat feet (which I do) and that my ankles tend to roll outward to compensate for the lack of arch.  This also is true, which is why my left ankle has never fully healed from the ligament injury it suffered when I was thirteen.  She was also able to tell what part of my foot takes the most impact when I run, by watching me run a short distance, and also informed me that I need to shorten my stride ever so slightly.
    Within minutes she brought out some New Balance running shoes for me to try on.  On a side note, I am a big fan of New Balance, they are worth the price if you ask me!  The way these are designed, they will help stabilize my ankles, so that they do not roll outward.  In turn, this will correct my posture and form, which will alleviate some of the aches and pains I get when I run.
   To give you an idea of HOW well she knew her stuff, she was able to guess perfectly where I was experiencing pain.  My lower back, the area just below my knee cap, my inner thighs, the outer part of my ankle (just above the heel) and the sides of my foot, where she also correctly guessed that I have developed blisters and calluses.  Needless to say, I was impressed.
   I tried on the shoes, and I could tell an immediate difference.  Not only did it feel better just to stand in the shoes, but the skin where the blister had been on the side of my foot did not hurt for the first time that week. Despite cringing at the price (even with the 10% discount she gave me as encouragement for going back to college), it was well worth it.  We both considered this an investment in to my health and well being.  Too anxious to wait, I went on my first run as soon as we got home.
   Her predictions of where I would feel sore were true, of course.  My legs not only need to get used to the new shoes, but also the improved form since my ankles were no longer rolling out when I ran.  I could definitely feel the improved stability, and it felt amazing.  I even got brave enough to run through the wooded trails at Cottage Hill Park, something I have not done in a very long time.
   I forgot how much I missed running in the woods.  For a lover of fantasy novels, wooded trails are like super fuel for the imagination.  It is easy to turn on some fantasy inspired music, and just let your imagination go.  Nice as the park is, it is hard to do that when you're on a cement trail, surrounded by people.  The solitary quiet of the woods really makes for an amazing run!

    With any luck, tomorrow will find me in my new shoes, running to my heart's content.  I really do begin to go a little crazy when I can not get in a workout or run after a few days.  My body just feels, for lack of a better word, "blah," and I find myself staring at my shoes longingly.  Come Hell or high water, I am going to workout!

Oh, I almost forgot, here are my new shiny shoes.  Thank you to my parents and husband, who helped me out in getting these!  Love the purple, yellow, and silver color of the shoes!

Love and well wishes to all on this first day of November!

Kristina