Pie crust promises...

Easily made, easily broken.

  That is a pretty good description of New Year's resolutions.  Before you make any this year, look back at all the resolutions from your past. If you have made your current ones more than once, then do yourself a favor, and do not do it again.  The problem with using an annual holiday to mark a life change, is that the special day comes again in another 365 days.  If you fail to stick to your resolution this year, it is far too easy convince yourself that you can just try again in the next one.
    Why do you have to wait until the next New Year celebration to start your life changes? I do admit that last year, Ben and I dedicated 2012 to be a year for fixing me.  However, it was not really a resolution, as much as it was an idea.  Ben told me, if I wanted,  to use 2012 for myself.  It was up to me to take my first step in that direction, and I did so by making a start, not a promise.
     I'm not saying that you should not use tomorrow as a kick start to a new life.  January 1, 2013 is a great day to begin.  So is January 2nd.  Or February 1st.  Or any day, for that matter. It is not that the first day of a new year is a bad time to start a change, but do not use the cliche of a "New Year's Resolution" as a reason to improve your life.  Instead of a New Year's resolution, just make a start, period.  If you fall down, then pick yourself right back up.  Don't allow yourself to fall in to the trap of "well, there is always 2014."
     One of the most popular promises at the end of the year is the promise to lose weight, and get healthy.   It certainly makes a great illustration for what happens to resolutions.  Gym membership sky rockets in January.  Then February comes, and it slows down.  By Easter, many of those gym memberships have failed, and are given to the next new year.  There is no rule, or magic formula that says the start of all life changes have to be limited to New Year's Day.  You do not have to wait until the next year comes around to pick back up if you fall down!
   That is why I say do not make a resolution.  Instead, just make a small change tomorrow.  Do not go for seconds at dinner. Maybe replace a soft drink with a glass of water.  Instead of sitting around watching the television on your day off, go for a walk, or get outside and play with your family. By the end of the day, you will have made healthy choices without having made a single resolution. In doing so, you will have an easier time making similar choices the next day.
     You do not have to make yourself a promise for change to actually make a change.  If you promise yourself a new start tomorrow, why not step up to the plate now, and make the change today.  Keep pushing yourself.  Tomorrow may be the start of a new year, and that does make it special.  But any day that you decide to change your life for the better is special. A transformation that starts on the first of the year is no more important than one that starts on any given day.  
    A transformation is not going to have steady growth.  There will be bumps, there will be pot holes, there will be times when you want to give up.  A New Year's promise to start is easy, and it looks so much nicer wrapped up in a special date. The problem with that, is when you have to pick yourself back up later on.  It is hard to do, because getting back in to the groove does not  look as appealing without the frills of a holiday.  That is why I say do not use the New Year as your reason to change, even if it marks the start.  Come up with something better.  Make your start special because of what it means to you, not because of the holiday it happens to fall on.

A promise is much easier to make than a change, but a change is easier to keep than a promise.
Kristina

Sexy?

    Sexy...a word that I have never actually applied to myself.  I've never actually felt it.  To feel sexy, you would first have to feel attractive, and well that has even been a challenge for myself. Sexy and attractive were words that described other people, certainly not me. For so long I have always been the big girl, or the fat one.  You get used to it after a while, and get in to this mind set where you truly are unable to see yourself as attractive.
 
    Today I decided to be daring, and try on an outfit that, for lack of a better word, is sexy.  It's a slim fitting halter top in my new size twelve jeans.  Okay, hold the phone, size twelve?  Yes, it is true.  I have managed to get down to a size twelve, and let me tell you, it feels amazing!  The average woman in the United States is a fourteen.  For once in my life, I am quite happy to be below average!

    Looking in the mirror, I suddenly realized that I actually felt attractive, maybe even a little bit sexy.  It's an odd feeling.  It really is.  It is almost as if I am seeing the physical changes for the first time.  A while back, I read an article about something called "phantom fat."  It's very common in people who have had weight loss surgery, or people who have lost a great deal of weight.  I can certainly say I fall in to the latter of the two.

    Phantom fat is a result of disordered thinking. When you are overweight, particularly if you are severely overweight, you get into the "fat mentality."  I didn't bother looking at regular size clothing.  I always made sure to have a large space between my car and another in a parking lot, and I always wore clothing that hid the fat.
   
    Now, I have this different body.  It's a more athletic build.  It's much more slender, and it fits into clothing that I would never have looked at a year ago.  Only recently have I been able to go in to a store, and walk to the regular clothing sizes, too used to visiting the plus sized sections for clothing. I look at a space, and think there is no way I'll be able to squeeze through that, but I end up surprised that it is no trouble at all.  I look in the mirror, and I do not see a size twelve.  I still sometimes see the size twenty-four.

    In other words, my brain hangs on to the fat that is no longer there.  It is long gone, and yet my brain just does not seem to understand that fact.  Although I can say that it IS getting better.  Just the fact that I let myself try on the halter top that I have not worn in years speaks to that.  It was also nice to find that I was not as surprised that the size twelve jeans fit, as I was when the size fourteen jeans fit.  It is like my brain is finally saying "yes, you're attractive now...yes, you're slender now...get used to it!"

So here it is...the size twelve jeans, and my cute little top.  I'm finally starting to really see how much I have changed, and it sure feels great!

The journey so far.

       I am closing in on the one year point of my weight loss journey.  I suppose now you could really say it is more of a life transformation journey.  Somewhere along the way this became more than just getting healthier, and looking better.  It really became a personal challenge to improve myself in as many ways as possible.  I see positive changes in numerous areas of my life now, in places I did not even think about originally.  I did not really put a time line on how quickly I wanted to lose the weight, I simply just said I would do it. 83 pounds in eight months is something I can definitely be proud of.  I'm steadily approaching my big goal of losing 120 pounds.  It is like losing an entire person!  But transforming myself in body and mind in just a year, that is something I am truly proud of.
   From here, where I will go, I don't know.  I think it will become less about weight lost, and more about things gained.  I promised myself when I reached 140 pounds, I would ease some of the focus away from the scale, and spend more time focusing on physical achievements like races.  There is so much I want to do and try.  So many other things that I want to achieve.  I want to look back on this year, and use it as a standard, by which I set my goals in the future.  I know that great things are ahead of me.  When I started out, I viewed this year as an ending.  It was an ending to my overweight days, my obesity, my unhealthy life.
     Now I realize that it was a beginning.  I have found a great purpose not just in improving myself, but helping others to do the same.  I initially began this blog to really just document my feelings.  To help me sort through all the changes I would experience.  Now it has grown to be something much more.  I've had opportunities come my way to share my story outside of this blog and my Facebook. I've made new friends along my journey, and reconnected with old friends over a shared desire to be healthier.  I have to believe that there is more to this than what I have experienced so far.  I do not know what the next year is going to bring.  I don't know what I will do, or where I may go. I just know that I am going to continue.  I'm excited to see where this journey takes me, and even a little scared.
    All this talk of a journey, of unknown paths, brings to mind a song from Lord of the Rings.  I have always liked it, and often think of it when I go for a run. Like I have said before, I am most definitely a nerd, and I enjoy thinking of fantasy stories when I work out.  It helps to pass the time.  This song speaks about setting off on a journey.  The road is long, and you do not exactly what lies ahead, but you still pursue it eagerly.  Who or what you  may meet remains a mystery.  That is what makes up the adventure.  That is what makes it worth the journey!

    The road goes ever on and on,
    Down from the door where it began.
    Now far ahead the Road has gone,
    And I must follow if I can,
    Pursuing it with eager feet,
    Until it joins some larger way
    Where many paths and errands meet.
    And whither then?  I cannot say.
         -J.R.R. Tolkien, Lord of the Rings

    That song has always been a favorite, but more now, than ever.  It is so wild to see where I started, and to see where I am now. I still have a long way to go, I still have a lot of road to explore.  I guess you can say that this was really just the first chapter.  Ben and I dedicated 2012 to be the year of "fixing Kristina."  We realized recently that the year was coming to a close.  We also realized that fixing problems and self improvement can not just be limited to a single year.  We should always strive to better ourselves.  In doing so, we are better able to help others.  The healthier I have become, the better I have become.  I am a better wife, a better mother, a better person all around.
     Seeing what this has done for me, makes me want to help others achieve the same thing.  I think that is my first new goal.  I had a year dedicated just to me, to help myself.  While I still plan on working on me, I want to spend this next year helping others with their own goals.  I am not sure how or when the opportunities will come, but I will use them when they do.  I can not wait to see where this road is going to go!

Chapter one is closing.  It is time for chapter two to begin.

The year in review

Fall 2011.  260 pounds, size 24.  Ben and I talked about the "year of Kristina."

New years 2012.  Not a resolution, but a promise from him, to me.  This was my year!

The photo that started it all...I hated how I looked.  It was time to change

245 pounds, size 22

230 pounds.  Size 22.  First time I could wear that sweater in forever!

   

210 pounds, size 20.  Those jeans were once my favorite! It felt great to wear them again.

200 pounds, and size 18!!  Man that felt good!

200 pounds.  Biggest difference was in my face, and neck.

                                      

190 pounds, Size 16 jeans, and a Large blouse.  Not extra large. I was officially out of the plus size section of the store!

185 pounds, and a size 14.  Feeling great, and looking gorgeous!

I have not been this size since probably my junior year of high school.

Getting some muscle!

My first 5k race.  I ran it in 34 minutes, and 15 seconds!

A little under a year since we said we would make it "my year."
178 pounds, having lost a total of 82 pounds.  Size 14 jeans now fitting better, in fact they are starting to get a little loose.
A much happier, healthier me.  I think chapter one is ending on a very good note!

    

 
   

Coming back from injury

    Well, it happens to the best of us all.  In almost a year, I managed to not injure myself with my exercise routine. That is until about two weeks ago.  After only a few minutes of jogging, my left ankle began to hurt, and hurt bad.  The worst part was that the majority of the pain was on the Achilles tendon, which is a major red flag to stop what you are doing, and rest your foot!  Fortunately, it turned out that it was no more than a bad sprain.  I've rested for a couple of weeks, kept it in a brace, and let my body heal enough so that I was able to get back to running tonight.  I had a great four mile jog, with almost no pain, which means I picked a good time to come back. With the injury, hopefully, behind me, I thought I might talk about injuries and weight loss in this post.
      Nothing can stop weight loss in its tracks like a bad injury.  That is why I am incredibly strict about stretching before and after a run, making sure I have the braces and straps that I need for my knees and ankle, and that my shoes fit snugly and correctly.  So when I began to experience pain in my ankle and above my heel just a few minutes in to the run,  I immediately started to panic and stopped the workout.  That decision probably is what prevented further injury to my already injured ankle.
     One of the most important things to remember about exercise is that you listen to what your body is telling you.  If I had not done so, I could have easily been off my feet for much longer than two weeks.  Your body knows what it needs or what is wrong, and will give you very good signs.  The problem is that you need to know how to interpret those signs.  Now, I am no expert, but I have a pretty good system to monitor myself during a work out, with which I decide how to proceed should I feel any pain.  I go with Green, Yellow, and Red.
     Green is, obviously, go. Green means little or no pain or soreness.  As long as it is not worsened with the workout, or I know that it is simply soreness from a previous work out, I go about my workout as planned.
     Yellow is cautionary. I often use it when I am experiencing a new pain, or a pain that is sharp, but not enough that I feel the need to stop.  I may slow down what I am doing, and evaluate the  part of my body that is hurting, or just ease up on the intensity for that work out.  Essentially, yellow is my "be aware" level, but if the pain continues or worsens, it can go to the next level.
    When I get to red, I immediately stop what I am doing.  Until I figure out what the pain is, I halt exercising that part of my body, and go from there.
    The day I injured my ankle, it was painful enough that I skipped past green and yellow, and went straight to red.  While not painful enough to make me drop to my knees, it was enough to make me very concerned.  My left ankle has always been weak, due to the ligament injury I sustained in the past.  So even a little soreness can make me nervous.  All throughout that day and in to the next, the pain, while tolerable, had me very worried.  Not only was I concerned about the short term, not being able to work out like I was used to and gaining weight back, but I was also concerned about the long term.  I was still on a high from my first 5k a few days, and now I was scared that I would have to stop running totally!
    So I rested it, iced it, and made good friends with some anti inflammatory medication and ginger-chamomile tea.  Side note, ginger and chamomile are naturally anti inflammatory, and so are great alone or used along with medication when you have pain or swelling!  After a week, the pain began to ease off, and seemed to sit primarily on the outside of my ankle, where there was some mild swelling.  Thankfully, after two weeks of rest and treatment, the pain was minimal, particularly when I used my ankle brace.
     I decided to chance a run tonight, and automatically I started myself out on yellow.  I took my time, paced myself, and stopped after every mile to sit down, move my ankle around, and see if there was any pain.  While I was certainly sore for the first mile and a half, it began to ease off as I neared two miles.  It was stiff from the edema that built up from the lack of running, and because I had perhaps rested it a little too well.  I only had a few minor twinges, which have happened on runs even before the sprain, so I allowed myself to go as long as the pain hovered around the yellow mark.  Although I felt quite energetic, and could have likely run another mile or two, I felt that even four miles was pushing it, and decided to head on home. It is better to be safe, and a little bummed out, than very sorry and injured!
      The two weeks off from running gave me a chance to rest my legs, and really look at other options for cardio.  It also gave me a chance to focus back in on toning and muscle building which, I admit, I tend to skip in favor of a heart pounding workout.  I actually had a lot of fun finding new ways to burn calories.  I put myself through a series of various punches and blocks from martial arts at a rapid pace, doing a set amount of reps for each.  I did a bouncing workout on the mini trampoline for thirty minutes, and was surprised that it was a pretty good workout.  I did not even have to lift my feet from the trampoline to get my heart going.  After thirty minutes, I was sweating!  I also made sure to watch the calories I consumed.  With fewer calories being put out, I had to reduce how many I took in, but make sure that the calories I did consume were really nutritious and would keep me fuller longer.
    It worked.  Not only was I able to maintain my weight for most of the two week rest period, I was also able to lose a couple of pounds, officially bringing me to a new weight range.  The 170s!  Yep, this morning I weighed in at 179, and it sure felt amazing!
    Perhaps the moral of this story is to keep calm.  Injuries are going to happen.  I finally had to realize it is not a matter of if, but when.  Keep in mind, injuries do not always happen during exercise. You could step off a curb the wrong way, and twist your ankle.  You could fall back, and break a wrist.  You could get in an accident and hurt your back.  Some injuries, obviously, are worse than others. Still this does not mean you give up!  Do not let an injury disrupt your progress.  Rest what needs resting, and use it as an opportunity to work on other areas of your body that need a little attention.

For every challenge you have, someone always has it worse!


Take it from me, do not let your mole hills become mountains!
Kristina